Love blooms with Hospice blessing

Love was in the air on the Adult Inpatient Unit as Alison Barrs and Paul Burgess ‘tied the knot’ – with friends, family and staff rallying round to put together a beautiful ceremony in just two hours!

The couple, who have been engaged since 2019, pledged their love and commitment to each other in an intimate blessing ceremony at St Andrew’s Hospice on February 13th.

Paul, who has been by Ali’s side as she battles a brain tumour, said the “amazing” reappearance of her lost engagement ring prompted them to take the plunge.

“At the end of November, I noticed Ali lost her engagement ring,” he explained. “I told her not to worry about it, the most important thing is we’re still engaged. The ring is just symbolic.

“However, on February 12th, I took the dogs back to Ali’s and her neighbour had found it! It was amazing that it had laid in the gutter outside her house for three months and nobody had spotted it, run over it, or picked it up and pinched it. So, we both took that as a sign that we ought to get married.”

The couple spoke to staff at the hospice, who contacted a registrar. However, due to Ali’s condition, they decided a civil blessing would be more suitable.

“At that point, Ali had had a terrible weekend and we thought we were losing her, so I just asked them to see what they could do.”
And when they learned a priest would be at the hospice to conduct the blessing in just two hours’ time, they weren’t expecting the whirlwind that followed!

“I was in my scruffs, my mum was out shopping, none of our close friends or family knew,” Paul said. “Ali’s best friend was looking after her grandkids so found someone to take them home, and her husband was in Manby selling fish, so he shot back.”

Paul’s mum was rescued from the cake aisle of Marks and Spencer – where she just had time to collect a chocolate cake – whilst Ali’s friend Bernie bought flowers, and the hospice staff put together a bouquet and buttonhole from the garden. Meanwhile, Paul was in Cleethorpes ordering rings from In The Pink.

“There were floral decorations around her bed and congratulations signs up; the room looked superb. The staff here were unbelievable, as always.
“The blessing was amazing, and the words were so perfect, considering he didn’t know us. He’d chosen words about love being more important than money and it just seemed to work so well.

“Everyone just pulled together in a two-hour window. With the cost of the rings and the bottle of prosecco and the flowers, it was a wedding that was pulled together with close friends for £150.

“My brother was there in shorts, there were two people there who smelled of fish! All the stuff that usually goes with weddings, the unimportant bits, we never had them, but it didn’t matter. It was such a special couple of hours.”

Paul met Ali five years ago whilst working at Comley Cameras, after she came in to have her passport photo taken. He didn’t speak to her, but later received a message from a mutual friend to say she “fancies you”.

“I thought ‘it can’t have been me, she’s got it wrong!’ But I remembered her coming in and we just hit it off straight away. She’s been the best thing that’s happened to me.”

Ali was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2006 and, as her illness progressed, Paul gave up work to care for her.

Over the years, she has attended wellbeing groups and used the bathing service at St Andrew’s Hospice. And, when she eventually needed a level of care that Paul couldn’t provide at home, Ali was admitted as an inpatient.

“She has loved everything about the hospice. Even the other day when she couldn’t really do any art, she still went down to the wellbeing group. 
“It’s just the camaraderie, the companionship, meeting people and the love that she was getting. It’s something different. When you retire from work in your 40s and suddenly you haven’t got work colleagues to chat to, although they did visit, it’s not the same. It’s almost like belonging to a club.
“The support network is unbelievable. Anyone who thinks the hospice is a sad place can forget that.

“It’s uplifting; you come and you have a cry and there’s always someone who will throw an arm around you with genuine love. They’ve seen it before.

“I find it unbelievable that people can actually work in this environment and be so positive, and that positivity comes through to us.”

“The other thing – the fact the dogs are allowed in is such a bonus and the dogs basically rule this place. They’re greeted with even more enthusiasm and love than the family of the patient. I always tell Ali she’s in a five-star hotel and it’s all inclusive!

“It really is one big family.”